As Angels Cry

Holy majesty come and save me from my sins
Polish up this rusty shell that I’ve been livin' in
This life is a steppin' stone
But I’ve fallen through the cracks
And I’m calling on You now to come and
Come and bring me back
Can’t you hear me crying?
Help me break this chain of consequences
Ooh, I’m beaten by the chain
By the chain

And as they watch me fall
The angels cry
Cause they understand my pain
And they’ve seen the blood spilled in the battles of my life
I’m in a leap of faith, racing through the sky
I’m like the rain that fall from angels’ eyes
-Corey Smith

I feel like I have seriously been beaten by chains this past 24 hours. Last week something really bad happened with my family. I wasn't present for it. But yesterday, my mom told me. It hurt my heart so much. It was something so unexpected and I had been overwhelmed by it all day. I didn't want to share it with anyone out of respect for my family. I didn't think I could share it with the person I value most either. And my silence damaged, is damaging our relationship. I have spent most of my life inside myself. I have been afraid of what people would think or what they would say. And some of the time, people just don't care. My family is very private. My mom would make us keep things to ourselves, even if they weren't important. I remember a time when I wasn't allowed to tell my best friend I was going to Disney World for the first time. How odd is that? So I just learned to hole it all up because it wasn't appropriate to talk about things. Now that I have someone who wants to know and wants to care for me, I haven't let him in. But I am really trying. And I am learning. I have made progress. But it may be too little too late. And that is soul killing. I need to be let loose of these chains of consequences. I want freedom.